像個小孩

停格在過去的愛裡 心裡的鐘 不再前進



Yixue:

Five years ago, if I hadn’t met them, then there would be three less sad people in this world. Right now, there wasn’t anything I hoped more than for all of us to forget about each other, forget about what happened in the past; both the sad and happy memories. Everything.



Show:

If I were to say that I had moved on, then that would be the biggest lie I’d ever tell in my whole life.

Almost a year ago, I was made the biggest fool. One year on, I guessed I was still the biggest fool.

My first reaction when I saw them, was to turn around and leave. But it was too late, because they had both already spotted me. I should have gone up to them to say something. At least then I could still walk away with dignity.

But I didn’t. Instead, I chose to run away from them. From then on, the label “coward” was to be pasted on me. I wasn’t anything less than one. I ran. I ran away from the love of my life and my best friend, wishing them unspoken happiness from the bottom of my heart, only to realize it was superficial.

為什麼莫明有種矛盾的情緒
給了你祝福 又盼望你回心轉意

Perhaps they were happily together now. Perhaps they no longer remembered the bad times that had passed. Perhaps… I was no longer a prominent figure in their lives… Their present… Their past…



Will:

No one knew. No one knew that Yixue and I weren’t together anymore. Everyone thought I succeeded when I went to Singapore that time. But the truth was, nobody succeeded in anything.

I had thought that I could love her like I did again; but realized that there was a gossamer barrier between us, separating us. We could no longer go back to the past. Neither could we step into the future together.

When I saw Show turn up at the rooftop terrace and noticed her reaction, I thought about a lot. In that few moments, thousands and millions of thoughts swirled through my mind. But one was unmistakable: there was no way to save this relationship anymore, even if we both tried.


Yixue:

Jiro called frequently to check how I was doing. I appreciated his concern and was glad I rejected him previously. I wasn’t worthy of such a good man; just like how I wasn’t worthy of Ber and Xiaozhu-gege. As time flashed by, even Jiro found himself another girl. But I was still stuck in the past.

回憶在我耳邊呼吸 讓我 徹底的輸給了傷心

How I wished none of this had happened. Ber and I would still be together; Xiaozhu-gege would still be our best friend. If Xiaozhu-gege and I hadn’t went out for a drink that day… Would things be different now? Or would there be other events that would eventually lead up to the present situation?

My beloved brother had gone back to Taiwan and had forced me to go back with him. But right before boarding I fled. There was absolutely no way I would go back to a place where there was a higher possibility of running into two men I loved but also hurt. My brother was slightly irked, but he knew why I did that and he did not blame me for it. So when he was gone, I helped him take care of his dance school.

But of course, like I had already found out, staying busy didn’t help one bit in keeping stray thoughts out of my mind.


Show:

When I first saw the schedule for recording, I was slightly dismayed, yet slightly relieved as well. The day for recording Will’s Ting Zheng Hui on 100% Entertainment finally arrived. We managed to keep up a friendly banter and cheery atmosphere throughout the whole recording. Even Alien didn’t realize that we weren’t exactly on the best or closest terms then.

We did not speak a single word to each other before the recording, but after recording, I guessed we both decided that we couldn’t go on like this anymore.

We met in a deserted corridor, and both of us started speaking at the same time. Then Will asked me to speak first. I mentally took a deep breath, mustered a smile, and asked, “So, how’s Yixue?”

Will shrugged. He shrugged. Why on earth did he shrug?

“I don’t really know.”

My heart stopped for a second or so. My expression was blank as I was overcome by puzzlement. “What do you mean you don’t really know?”

I thought I heard him sigh. “I mean, we didn’t get back together after you left.”

I swore my heart died.

“Zhu?”

I finally heard him on his umpteenth time calling my name. “Um,” I started, at a loss for words.

“I’m sorry none of us told you.”

I shook my head, wanting to say that it was okay but the words just couldn’t come out.

我到底哭什麼 哭什麼 明明搞笑的
我努力唱好朋友 我忘了是誰哭了…


Will:

The truth was I didn’t want anyone to know. Not even Zhu, who was one of the parties involved. I concurred that leaving wasn’t a choice I had to make. It would have made all the difference. But since I did, there was no point regretting.

I tried not to look at him. I couldn’t bring myself too.

But like him, I wanted to ask the same question. How… was Yixue? Was she happier now? Had she found someone else and forgotten about us? Some part of me wished she had; because that might strengthen our deterrence to forget about her and move on.


Yixue:

I shut myself away from civilization, not switching on the television, not listening to the radio, not reading entertainment magazines, not going to entertainment websites, not reading gossip news. The only place I went everyday was to work at my brother’s dance school.

Naturally, I wouldn’t know that they were coming to Singapore… At the same time. I didn’t know if it was a coincidence or it was purposefully planned. But I did not want to know.

My brother was the one who told me about their impending arrival in Singapore. I wondered how he knew. Maybe he had spies.

I checked the calendar. Xiaozhu-gege was coming for his album promo and concert, from November 30 to December 2. Ber would be here from December 1 to December 4. Was it just a bad coincidence? I wished my brother did not have to tell me. If I didn’t know about it, I wouldn’t have cared. But now that I knew, it got imprinted in my brain. And everyday it nagged at me. I wished it would go away.

I made up my mind not to even think of going to look for them. Why should I, anyway? No, I was going to stick with my usual schedule, doing the same things I always did on those days. Just because they were coming did not mean that I had to change the way I worked. Just because they were coming did not mean that I had to think about them.

But I was thinking of them, wasn’t I? I kept telling myself to not remind myself of them; well, that was thinking about them. Perhaps I should go bang my head against the wall and hope to suffer from memory loss. That would definitely help.

情已逝 我還在 注定一個人流浪…

Yeah, a hell lot.


Show:

When Ah-Xiong told me that Will was going to be in Singapore the same time I did, I didn’t know what to think.

The next few weeks came and passed very quickly and I was already due to be in Singapore. Will was arriving a day later than I, and I was contemplating whether to look for her or not. Xiao-Shuang stopped me from looking for her.

She was right. I should concentrate on my concert first.


Will:

路太彎 夢在轉 錯過的人已不在
以為我 能習慣 一個人的安全感

This wasn’t my favourite ballad off my new album for no reason. I didn’t write it, but it reflected us.

緣分必盡太短…

I doubted I would go look for her. I shouldn’t, right? Well, at least that was what I thought.

Rainie called to ask me out for supper with her and Show. She said that Zhu was all agreeable with it. So I agreed as well. After all, with Rainie there, the situation couldn’t get too awkward, right?


Yixue:

I did not know what came over me that made me switch on the television. And what should be broadcasting live, but a Ber performance at some variety programme. The subtitles showed that he was singing a song for which he wrote both the music and lyrics too.

‘說你愛我 說你要我 說你永遠不離開我
我承認此刻的我懦弱’

I reached for my remote control.

‘說你愛我 說你要我 說你永遠不離開我
這要求是否太多?’

I managed to reach my remote control finally and turned off the TV. I stoned for a moment, attempting to assimilate what I had just seen and heard.

He… Wrote that?

All of a sudden I didn’t want to know about anything, anymore.


Show:

I wasn’t planning on turning the situation tense and edgy. The question just came out of my mouth like that. And it was too late.

Will looked shocked. Rainie did not know what was happening.

I shut up.


Will:

I didn’t say a word either. He should have known better than to mention her. To think that we were both in the same country as her, yet both of us were acting like two big wusses by not doing anything about it.

Hey, we could still be friends right? All three of us?

I guessed that was wishful thinking on my part. But… We could at least go and say hi to her right? Would that be best for all of us?


Yixue:

My brother called me suddenly and told me he was back in Singapore. I had a feeling he was lying. He said he had something important to do at the dance school, and wanted me to go help him with it. Never mind that it was already ten plus at night. I said okay and plucked myself out of my home and made my way there.

I didn’t know why it didn’t occur to me to check the caller-ID on my house phone. Because if I did, I would have confirmed my suspicions that my stupid brother was lying, and I wouldn’t be here right now.

I was damn stupid.

He was fucking in cahoots with the two of them.


Show:

She literally stomped away the moment she saw us. Were we going a little overboard by appearing in front of her at the same time?

“Yixue!” Will called and he went after her.

I couldn’t just stand there, could I? So I ran after them as well. (Yeah, I’d already accepted the fact that I was the world’s biggest fool. Guess it wouldn’t hurt more to continue being one.)

Will caught Yixue’s hand and she had no choice but to stop where she was. She wasn’t strong enough to wriggle out of his grip.

“What do you want?” She demanded.

“Yixue, we just wanted to see how you were doing.”

I stopped about three metres away from them.

“Oh yeah? Do you really care?” Her tone was spiteful, but that was directed at Will only.

“We do.”

“Hell, no! If you did, you wouldn’t have left without a word then!”

I shouldn’t interrupt but I just wanted to step in. “Yixue, calm down.”

說穿了 不是什麼大事情

She stared at me with such cold eyes my heart sank. “Look, none of us wanted things to come to this, but at the same time, I don’t think any of us are at fault.”

“Xiaozhu-gege, it was never your fault.” She said quietly.

“Fine, then let it be mine.” Will said.


Will:

I wasn’t intending to pick a fight with anyone. I didn’t expect to start arguing with her. I didn’t suppose she would react like that.

Show tried to make peace, but the situation seemed to be going out of hand. I was expecting Yixue to just walk away. But she didn’t. She stopped arguing with me; neither did she continue to speak.

Then Show said, “Yixue, can the three of us still be friends?”

He looked at her, then at me. Then we both turned our gazes to her.


Yixue:

What were they expecting me to do?


Show:

I guessed there wouldn’t be any ultimatum.

你心裡觸動的下一首 已經不是我.


Will:

Knowing her, we would probably never lead our lives like before anymore.

我和你的情節 是否已走到最後?


Yixue:

分開才知道分不開 在世界盡頭眼淚偷偷掉下來
原來在愛情裡 我像個小孩

I desperately fought back tears as I stood before them. I’d never felt more useless before in my life.

我覺得自己好失敗…

It was a scene all so familiar to the three of us, something that had already happened more than once. We all stood there, not speaking, knowing that nothing could change the ties that connect us anymore.


A/N: whoa. i didn't plan for a part 3. i just suddenly wrote it. well... guess that's one year later for you. (:

Labels: Caught in the Middle, Part III