Shawn Yue
Kate Kwan (Fictional)

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Shawn:

Do you know what it’s like to see the one you love walk away from you?

Do you know what it’s like when the one you love stayed together with you only because she was forced to?

Have you any idea what it’s like to watch the one you love in misery because of you?

Well, I do. And I have.

I was never fated to be with Kate. I tried to change our destiny, but how could a mortal human go against something as huge as fate? I tried accepting it, but I knew that I never would. I was obviously not the one for Kate, so why was she the only one I wanted? She had since left me, but I am still here, always waiting.

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Kate:

Shawn was possibly the nicest guy I had ever met. He was caring, he was kind, he was generous, he was tall, he was handsome, he was rich, he loved me, and he was the son of a Mob boss.

Yes, you heard me right. Shawn was the son of a Mob boss, the only heir to his father’s empire. I was merely a girl most unlikely to be associated with triads and gangs. Yet I was somehow drawn into their circle. I used to detest triads and gangsters, because from young, the impression I had of them was that they killed people and burnt their houses. Given a choice, I would not have allowed myself to be sucked into this whirlpool of hate and violence.

But I didn’t have a choice.

Did I?

I had just broken up with my previous partner when I met Shawn. Or, more accurately, when he suddenly appeared in my life. My life had always been peaceful and routine, bordering on the edge of being boring. His appearance was like a thunderstorm in my perfectly calm and normal life.

Contrary to what people believed of a Mob boss’ heir, Shawn was neither brooding nor a playboy. He was the direct opposite of the typical gangster stereotype. Shawn had a perpetual lopsided grin on his face, he was playful, he was cheerful, he was happy-go-lucky, and he was just full of life. His attitude towards life was ever so optimistic. Never would I have guessed that he had such a dark background behind that sunny exterior.

But, of course I knew there was more to him than all that exuberance.

His eyes were the most expressive things I had ever seen. Just take one look into them and his feelings might as well be laid bare on a table in front of you. If anything, his eyes made me fall in love with him. I knew I couldn’t fall too deep, because the black of his eyes were like an endless abyss, waiting for the one person to fall all the way in and never climb back out again. I had enough experience to know I couldn’t love another person with all my heart again, because it would hurt like hell if he decided to take it then shatter it into a million tiny fragments.

Perhaps I wasn’t being fair to him, but I wouldn’t be able to take it anymore if the worst were to happen yet again.

His eyes told me I could trust him with every single cell in my body. But I was reluctant to give him that much.

Shawn was a fantastic guy, but I wasn’t ready to commit to a guy with an uncertain future. When he first came clean about his family background and all to me, I thought he was joking. It turned out he wasn’t. And as it would be in all Hong Kong triads, the gang members all called him “siu ye”, which basically just meant ‘young master’ in English.

That was the first time I’d ever seen Shawn with a perfectly straight and somewhat fierce face. To be honest, it scared me. Of course he didn’t look as menacing as those aggressive triad leaders seen on television. But to see Shawn, who was always so cute and carefree, looking remotely powerful, I hated that side of him on sight.

And he knew that. But there was nothing he could do about it. That was him. That was his life. It wasn’t easy to back out being an heir to a triad as big as this. He had long accepted that fact, which was why he was making use of his current time to have fun and all. Because he knew that once he took over, he would be living a life based on loyalty, violence and bloodshed.

He needed me to know that. And he needed to know that I was willing to stick by him through everything.

But I wasn’t ready. This storm was only getting bigger and I was trapped in it without a raincoat, an umbrella, or even a tree as cover. I’d much rather be struck by lightning under that tree, than be stuck in this situation, with nothing else but the love in Shawn’s eyes as reassurance.

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Shawn:

Something between us changed after I told her who I really was. I had already expected it, I only didn’t think it would be so drastic.

Her life had been so normal, so happy. Because of me, it was going to undergo a complete 180-degree change. Why should I expect her to change for me?

Things took a change for the worse when my father wanted for us to get married right away. His reason was that he didn’t have many more years to go, and he wanted to see his grandson. I protested, Kate didn’t say anything. I was resigned to my fate; I wasn’t expecting her to be as well.

I didn’t even get a chance to propose to her. We were forced into a marriage neither of us wanted. I didn’t want it because I knew that there would not be happiness brought about by force. She didn’t want it because she did not see a future in all of these, much less mine as a triad leader.

She didn’t get a romantic proposal. She didn’t get her lavish dream wedding. My father practically had us like puppets on a string controlled by him. But neither of us even tried to defy him. When I looked into her eyes, Kate wasn’t happy at all. Hell, I couldn’t even see if she still loved me like she did.

Was I wrong to have dragged her into this world I belonged to? Should I have come clean to her about my background right from the start? But if I had, then there would never be a future for us. Not even a present. If I had, I would have lost her right then. If I had, I would never experience those happy times I had only with her. And if I had, I would never have known that she really loved me.

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Kate:

So that was how Mob weddings were held. And I thought I was attending a funeral, or perhaps some kind of ritual that would pronounce two or more men as brothers in some kind of brotherhood thing. It was dark. There weren’t many people. I lost my family since I was young, so there weren’t any of my relatives. In fact, everyone I saw was a triad member.

I shuddered at the eeriness, at the ceremony that seemed devoid of feelings.

Hell, yeah I wanted to marry Shawn. But not like this. Not… forced. If he had proposed to me, then maybe we could have run away and get married in a small chapel by the sea, away from all of this. But no. It had to be like this. Were Mob bosses always so dictatorial? Because I knew Shawn dared not go against his father’s orders. As for me, I was just the normal girl-next-door who happened to be the love of Shawn’s life. What was I to say?

The day was disastrous. Neither of us even smiled that day. Not that night either. Shawn had his own apartment, because he didn’t want to feel too restrained by his father by staying in that huge mansion. I had moved in some time ago, but that night when we returned there, both of us were strangely silent. There was a sort of unfamiliarity that revolved around us, like I had never known this man until I was forced to marry him.

We had once exchanged looks and then both of us looked away immediately. Then he told me the most ridiculous thing I’d ever heard in my life. He told me I could take his room while he took the couch. I would have laughed if not for the expression he had. His face was solemn, and he appeared so… lost. But it just seemed so dumb. A few days ago it was here that we were so happy. Now, we were married yet we couldn’t sleep on the same bed?

Thankfully, things became better after the next few days. Having both accepted that our status was now ‘married’, and that everything had not gone the way we had wanted, we were both resigned to our lives. To hell with being not married the right way I wanted.

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Shawn:

But as always, happy times did not stay long.

My father officially stepped down and passed his duties to me months later.

Kate said that once that had happened, I wasn’t me anymore. I wasn’t the Shawn she loved. I was not the Shawn who loved her. I was Yue Man Lok, the new boss of the Black Dragons.

The days passed and we spoke to each other less and less. That was mainly because I didn’t get much time of my own. Practically all of my waking hours were spent at the Black Dragons’ main territorial area. In fact, I was kept awake most of the time because of the gang. I was neglecting Kate and I knew it.

From then on, I knew that my decision to bring Kate into my world was really wrong and was possibly the worst decision I could have ever made in my life. I seldom saw her and when I did, I realized that, not only was the old Shawn gone, the old Kate was gone too. I was horribly remorseful for ruining her yet I didn’t want to let her go because I still loved her so hopelessly much.

I couldn’t let go of the empire my father had worked so hard to build. But I couldn’t let go of Kate either. I had to make a choice. But it was already too late.

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Kate:

I loved Shawn. Loved him too much that I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t stand not being able to see him, not being able to speak to him, not being able to just… be with him. It wasn’t our choice. But he could change it. I knew he could do something to change whatever was happening to us. He just didn’t.

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Shawn:

If I had made that decision earlier, I wouldn’t have lost her.

One day I went home in the wee hours of the morning, to find her gone. Gone from my life, possibly forever, leaving nothing but a note. I should have seen this coming. I hadn’t. I could only blame myself. I had her living in misery for so long. I should have done something about it sooner.

The only consolation I found was in the fact that she hadn’t left her wedding ring behind. I guessed she still loved me, as I do her.

I was no longer a Mob boss. But I was no longer happy either.

I wished she knew. I wished she would come back.

But… Perhaps she was happier now.

Perhaps she had found someone else.

Perhaps she no longer loved me like she did.

Perhaps I was nothing but a passing thunderstorm in her life.

But I don’t want to be just that passing rain. Kate, wherever you are, I want you to know that I have made my decision. I’m changing my life for you. I am not part of the triads anymore. Because there’s nothing I want more than to be with you. Kate, I love you and I have always loved you. Hear my plea and you know where I’ll be. And there’s another thing that will never change. I am waiting for you and I will always wait for you. Kate, as long as you’ll have me, I’m here, always waiting.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------The.End.

A/N: This one shot has been inspired by Shawn Yue's "一直等待".

Labels: Always Waiting